An open letter on gifting from a borderline hoarder

Dear well meaning gift giver,

Hello! Can we chat for a second?

I’m a borderline hoarder. I’ve been pretty open about my struggles with getting rid of things so allow me to continue that here. It’s worse when I’m depressed – MUCH worse – but I have to make a daily conscious effort to examine the things that surround me and decide whether there’s something I truly need to keep. I could name off the list of stupid things I’ve held onto for far too long, but there’s some that’s really just too embarrassing right now for me to share and the list would be too long. So just trust me when I say that I have problems and it’s a daily struggle.

So imagine, if you can, how hard it is to get rid of gifts. Each holiday season comes and I bring things into my house that, ultimately, sit there for far longer than I’d like to admit. Because 9 times out of 10, I really didn’t need that adorable photo frame or that baking dish set. True story: I have that photo frame sitting in a basket in my “library” area with newspapers and books piled on it, and that baking dish set sat in the box in a corner of my kitchen floor for almost a year before I could force myself to take it to the Goodwill.

The thing with gifts that make them so difficult is this: gifts are… well, gifts. They’re something that I assume you lovingly shopped for specifically for me. I also assume that you put thought into it – you bought those baking dishes because you know I love to bake, and that photo frame so I could display the sweet photos I take of my kid. And I completely and totally appreciate that you took the time, the effort, and the money to try to get me something thoughtful. But THAT is the exact same reason why it’s so hard for me to get rid of things – because you took the time, the effort, and the money to get me something you thought I’d like. Getting rid of it despite not being able to use it makes me feel awful because I feel like I’m wasting your money.

It’s why, when asked what I want for Christmas (or birthdays), I have a hard time coming up with anything. I have more than enough and there’s rarely anything that I need (well, we need a new dishwasher to replace our broken one but I’d never expect anyone to buy that for me). So when I say gift cards for groceries or restaurants, or candles, or whatever else I come up with, I’m saying those things because those are what I know I’ll use. They won’t sit around and clutter up my house, and there won’t be any guilt on my part about using them or getting rid of them. And you won’t be wasting your money, either, buying me something that will collect dust in my house for a while until I finally manage to force myself to take it to the Goodwill.

So please, for the both of us, embrace giving me consumables: booze, food, gift cards… things that I can use and then, when it’s empty, be done with.

Your friend/relative,
Candice the borderline hoarder