A pile of things I know I should do (but probably won’t): a Mother’s Day reflection

Mother’s Day has been, for me, a mixed bag of feelings. Historically, I spend the day bouncing around from one emotion to the next, and sit a little too long with my disappointment and become an emotional, moody mess.

That is not going to be me this year.

For too long I’ve spent my “special” day feeling hurt over not being appreciated or celebrated enough by my people. I mean, the whole house would fall apart, both figuratively and literally, without me. Don’t they even care about how easy their lives are because of me? (I’m kidding… a little)

But I had this realization today, after a day out shopping with my own mama, that I’m not being fair to myself here. Yes, I want to feel loved and appreciated for all I do for those around me (and I’d rather it be more than just one time a year, but whatever) – but I don’t do enough for myself to show myself some love. Not in the ways I really need and should, at least.

I don’t mean taking myself out for a pedicure or shopping and splurging on some new clothes. I mean that I am literally neglecting myself lately. For example:

• I’m not working out like I used to (or at all, if I’m being honest) and while life was hectic with college and all, I’m willing to admit that I used it as an excuse to justify not going when, ultimately, the hour-ish that it would take out of my week wasn’t as impactful as I made it out to be. And when I do go to the gym I have to take my kid with me and it’s not the enjoyable experience I used to have going kid-free, and then I use THAT as an excuse to not go, too.
• I am eating trash. And a lot of it. I used to be so good about meal prepping and having healthy foods to eat. And then life got busy and I got lazy and it became easier to hit the drive-thru. Except now I’ve gained 30 of the 20lbs I lost from all my prior hard work (yes, 30), my clothes don’t fit which is depressing, and overall I feel exactly like that whole “you are what you eat” thing. (Gross, friends. I feel GROSS.)

So this Mother’s Day I’m fixing this. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t expect others to appreciate you when you don’t even appreciate yourself, right? Right.

So tomorrow I’m going to sit down and make a giant list of all the ways I can show myself some more appreciation and love and take care of myself just like I take care of everyone else. First on the list will probably be “stop hating my body and just make peace with it” followed up by “feed my body like I love it” aka stop eating sausage breakfast crunch wraps from Taco Bell even though they’re so freaking good.