I feel like myself again.

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A post shared by Candice (@candiceknits) on Jan 12, 2019 at 10:02am PST

College classes started back up on the 7th. After months and MONTHS of spending every weekend – nearly all weekend, mind you – glued to my computer in my craft room trying to find some peace and quiet to study… I had a normal weekend.

Yes, there was homework. But was it the overwhelming, unbearable variety that meant me spending 20 hours out of my weekend studying? Not even close. In fact, I had SO much “extra” time that I was able to knit! And sew! And clean! And cook! And, more importantly, not feeling like I was ignoring my child (which, honestly, always felt the worst. “Sorry, sweetie, mommy can’t play with you because I have this homework to do” is the worst. You know it. I know it. #terriblemomoftheyear)

I struggled a LOT with whether I should drop the accelerated classes I had been taking. I am 4 classes away from graduating but would have to take all 4 in one semester if I wanted to graduate by May 2019. That was my goal, originally.

And then last semester was such a cluster. Self-care was thrown to the wayside despite knowing how vital it is for me. I agonized over the decision – if I pushed through it, I’d be done in 16 weeks. Does backing off mean I’ve failed somehow? I struggled with putting my goals first and ignoring reality. Declan is 4. I’m not getting this time back. Is a piece of paper worth missing out on all those weekends with him? Is it worth me being a stressed out mess and him feeding off that stress to stress the whole house out even more? Honestly, this is the stuff I was trying to ask myself, because while it seems like a clear-cut answer now – it didn’t feel so clear-cut to me at the time. And even after making the decision to drop the accelerated program I still stressed about whether I made the right choice.

The reward for my decision lies in that first weekend of classes. On Saturday, I did some homework. I wound up a ball of yarn by hand and watched it snow. I started working on a Hinterland Dress test muslin. I knit on my Rosemont cardigan, and wove in the ends on my Atlantica shawl. I made chicken noodle soup and biscuits from scratch. Sunday, I got a workout in while shoveling the sidewalk and driveway before we took Declan sledding for the first time. And then we went out for breakfast to warm up before we came home to play games together.

I made the right choice. I know that now.